This is a topic that I have difficulty talking about, but I feel that I have to share. For me this topic quite embarassing because it deals with negative feelings I have about myself and the world around me. My goal is to help you get a better understanding of me, and also I hope to get a better understanding of myself.
For the last few years I’ve begin to feel very depressed and insecure. Some things happened to me that I perceived as real turn-offs, and I began to question the usefulness of my life.
I broke up with my partner, and I had a lot of trouble finding a job that suits me. I want to meaningful things for the world, but I don’t succeed in the things I do, and it seems that noone is interested in what I do.
I see the many mistake I made and I feel really bad about them. I constantly feel that I am not productive enough and must do more to earn my space.
I want to reach further and evolve, but Im stuck.
I now find myself unmotivated to take good care of myself. Things like eating on time, washing clothes, cleaning the house, visiting friends or family all do not matter much to me anymore.
Having fun or socializing seems like a waste of time. Other people around me are wasting their time and energy on such nonsensical things. I have real difficulty why they just won’t understand me, or listen to me.
I feel caged and I really want to break free.
Well, that’s it for now (pfew). I hope it makes some sense.
Martien de Jong's Blog 
#1 by Anon on June 6, 2011 - 3:13 pm
Do you often act in a similar fashion these days as you did before?
If so, you may be putting your regret in the wrong place.
If not, then why dwell on them? Learn from them what you can and move on.
Worrying about past mistakes might very well stop you from reaching your goal today.
As for socializing: it is the last remaining human instinct we all share, we want other people to notice us. Isn’t this why you’re posting your thoughts in this blog? If it were purely self referential, why allow people to leave comments?
#2 by martiendejong on June 6, 2011 - 5:28 pm
Hi. Thanks a lot for your reply.
You are absolutely right.
I am posting this because I want other people to know about me so they can help me better.
I do feel very embarrassed/afraid writing about my thoughts and feelings when they are like this.